For Valentine’s Day, I did a “challenge” where I placed verses from the 1 Corinthians 13 passage about love around my house for my family for 14 days. (For more about creating art through God’s word, go to Annie Pajcic’s blog Thou Art Exalted.) In typical fashion at my house, some of these little cards are still stuck in various places. As I walked into the bathroom the other day, I happened to notice the verse I had placed on the mirror for my children: Love is not self-seeking (v.5). I had to chuckle a bit….the one about not seeking the self is on the mirror where we all look at our selves every day!!
It got me thinking, though, about the whole concept of “finding” myself. So often women place so much emphasis on the ‘self’ that is in the mirror all the while still not truly comfortable with what is there. Perhaps that is because the ‘self’ that is in the mirror is not our true selves. As I started turning this over and over in my mind, I began journaling about it. Here is what I wrote:
In order to truly find myself, I cannot be self-seeking. Just as a word cannot be part of its own definition, so too may I not be a part of my own defining. Instead of looking inward, I must look outward and upward.
In order to find myself, I must quit seeking-self, I must seek GOD- who created me. After all, doesn’t the Maker of a think know it fully? Doesn’t the potter define the clay?
Many times the Bible tells us that seeking will result in finding. But true seeking must be ALL- wholehearted, fervent, persistent, yet patient. It is a process.
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”
Matthew 7:7 reminds me that I first must cry out to God. A calling and praying time. I call out, the initial searching. Then I must seek it out. Diligent study, a quest for righteousness draws me closer to whom I seek. I come nearer to God only by seeking the footsteps of The Son. Only Jesus knows the way…in fact, He IS the Way.
Finally, I knock. A banging at the door, brought there by the Son. As the door opens, my heart opens. I am able to accept who I am- God’s child-with Christ, in Christ. The search is over. I am home, I am whole, I am loved by Love itself. Love is not self-seeking, yet in it, in Him, I find myself.